So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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