We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
