in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
