Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You brought string cheese to the strip club
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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