The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
