Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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