Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
