She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
