Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
this just has baby written all over it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
