Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
whose parrot is this?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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