we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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