there's paper in my vomit.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
