she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
