Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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