Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
