I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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