bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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