let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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