you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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