Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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