I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
