dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
