butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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