think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
