I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
