I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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