butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
