I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We left an ass print on the piano.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
don't judge my taste in strippers
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize