what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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