Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
