So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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