Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Randomize
