Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
