It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
