This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
