don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
