Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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