we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
lets start a swedish sibling band together
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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