So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
