Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
