how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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