my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
