When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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