did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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