my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
