Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I am one with the molecules
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
