Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
