What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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