she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You smell like a Billy Joel song
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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