Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
